Alex the Average

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

Whoa, slow down there, caps lock. Let’s just take our finger off the Shift key and ask things like civilized human beings.

My first human memory would have to be a time when I thought it would be a good idea to flip the bird to everyone around me in first grade.

When I was a kid, I though that the magic of the middle finger’s potent offensiveness was not being shown the front side of said finger, but being pointed at with that finger. I walked around thinking people were angry at God and flipping Him off.

So, I hatched a foolproof plan to please Him. I decided to flip off the Devil.

As we lined up to walk to Gym class, I told my friends to join me in my holy crusade. Together, we pointed our middle fingers down, towards the ground, and paraded around as we unknowingly flipped off every single person in the building.

We didn’t even get in trouble.